Wizardess Heart

So I have been playing this online dating simulation game from a company who calls their games "Shall We Date?" for months now. My experience with the game is satisfying. I mean I've never played a dating sim game ever and I had no idea what to expect from it but as a book worm of YA's, Fiction, and Romance, I can say that the game satisfies my young heart. It give me the feels, the excitement, the worry and woes me to my toes. I never go on a day without playing the game because it has become part of my life and my routine. I love how it makes me feel giddy.

Now the first game that I played, or rather discovered was Shall We Date?: Wizardess Heart

I can't recall how I found it but I first played it on Facebook. I was looking for dating games and got somehow linked to this game and I fell fond of it. The player can name herself and once you play the game, the characters would say your name or that't what you'd see on the screen. But first, one must choose a character and play their story. Each character has a different story but they are somehow connected. The first three stories are connected and the following three and connected also. And there was an announcement that another three characters will be introduced for new stories. In each story, every eisting character would show up because they are still enrolled in the same academy. It's really like the person playing is enrolled in the academy with all these hot guys surrounding her and the weirdest part is that she gets to date one of them. So weird right? 

For two stories and half of the third I played on Facebook, but when I got my smartphone I played on my phone and I'm down to the fourth story now.

The first character I chose was Luca Orlem (click the picture to enlarge). When I started the story there were only five to choices and I read all of their profiles and I decided to go with the bad boy and I was very happy and feeling fluffy with his story and for the first three stories his was my favorite. After Luca was Elias Goldenstein then Yukiya Reizen. Theirs were the first and original stories of the game. And I guess with the huge popularity that the game is getting, they decided to add the second group of characters.

           

Where I'm currently reading right now is the first story to the second group who is Klaus Goldenstein. Yes, he's the older brother of Elias from above. His story, so far is my very favorite among all the stories. May be it's just my liking for older guys but he really is something. Like I said, there were 5 of them when I started the game where the fifth is Randy March, and after finishing Luca's story the 6th character story was released as Azusa Kuze.

  

The upcoming three are still unknown but I just wanted to document how much I enjoyed this game and bravo to the creators and the story makers. Everyone in the team of making this game happen and ongoing deserved a round of applause.

By the way, other than this game, I'm also playing their partner game called "Blood in Roses" which just as fun but I still get more feels from Wizards. I guess Vampires and Werewolves are to cliche for me now.

Long For Long

I have decided to keep my hair long until I graduate!!! Reason why? So that I have long, beautiful locks in my year book photo.

Mother talked me out of it. Didn't take long too. I told her I was going to cut my hair short early next year. I was planning to keep it long for the -BER months to keep me warm during the cold season, but then she asked me, "so you'll have short hair for graduation then?" (If I fail no class, and have a great feasibility study, I'll surely graduate in two years time.) That made me pause and think, 'she's right! I'd be remembered as the girl who had short hair.

Mother suggested that best I have short after graduation, and especially for when I land my first job. That'll require me to wake up early in the morning and prepare myself, and having long locks would take an even longer time in the bathroom and struggle for it to go dry. She had a point, and I saw it as a good thing. So I had it decided! 

LONG HAIR, DON'T CARE, GRADUATION IT IS.

Waistline Is Just A Number

Here's the thing. I'm fully aware now that I don't have a flat stomach, doesn't surprise me at all. Haha! I looked at myself in front of the mirror tonight and I have observed that when I look at the side, my stomach isn't that big - that is because the food has already been digested and excreted. So then why is my waistline 30 inches? I stood up front again and it hit me. My stomach isn't that fat, I just needed to be more curvy. That's even harder than just trying not to gain weight and have a bulging front. *Sigh* Hula Hoops then?

A Great Day

TODAY, I finally finished reading this book.

Yes, The Heir, it's the fourth book to Kiera Cass' The Selection Series. It's awesome, it's amazing. The ending made me cry twice because of the two shocking things that happened consecutively. I am a huge fan of this series and I'm very excited that Kiera is coming to the Philippines AGAIN!

During noon I talked to my friend about reading The Catastrophic History of You and Me. And I asked her if she knows someone who already read this book to raise my excitement of reading it since I already downloaded a pdf version of it. Sadly, she knew no one, but I'm still excited.

In the afternoon dad suddenly asked me if we could watch a movie and I assumed he meant from my laptop, so I replied I had no action movies. Only to find out that what he actually meant was catching a movie in the cinema. I told him the next show will be in 2:20 and it's still 12:30 so I got ready because I planned to leave early to eat lunch before the movie.
We went to McDonalds and there were some funny comments that dad gave, we even had our silent communication through our eyes because of something we noticed and stuff like that. I had planned on buying a book in National Bookstore after the movie so I brought along money with me, just in case I really like the book.

We watched Jurassic World!

Our minds were blown while watching the movie, it was so thrilling and my heart was beating so fast almost the entire movie. I give it 5 stars. Before entering the cinema house, we already bought the BFF Bundle Fries, and dad got water. When I told him that it's time to get in, he decided to get popcorn, and a lot of it since he's friends with the vendor. He also bought C2 Green Tea.
When we got to our seats he finally realized, "I think we bought too much food." (Daghana sa atong snack uie.) We just laughed it off and ended up not finishing our water and the fries. But he did eat up all his popcorn before we even got to 1/6 of the movie.

As we headed down the stairs from the cinema he suddenly suggested, "Let's buy a book." (Palit ta ug libro.) Well how could I say no to that? Remember I mentioned about asking for feedback of a certain book? Yeah, I ended up getting that book since they don't have Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard yet.

A month ago, I was attracted to this book because of it's cover. And I must say, this is way prettier than the original cover.

Maybe it's because of it's girly colors and the heart pendant. I'm a sucker for gold, heart-shaped pendants.

When I got home, I checked my Wattpad for notification updates only to see that I now have 100 FREAKING FOLLOWERS!

I have no idea when that happened, but it did. I never expected anything, they just slowly followed me. One by one, they followed without being asked. So yeah, that was great news to me.

And now, I'm a happy bird and ready to read this new book. I'm super excited. It's a wonderful day!

Oh, and my parents told me to hoope and pray that we'd have money by the time Kiera Cass comes to the Philippines for the book signing. :3

Good Different

I always knew I was different. I grew up with my cousins around me but I was always left out. Even their parents do not want me to spend much time with them. I was always pushed away. Growing up I soon realized that I am more like my mother, she grew up with a different perspective and I can sense it was quite difficult and challenging to adopt to the new family she has to live with - my father’s. At present she seems fine with everyone around but if you look closely, you will sense the tension. How she shields herself even before any sign of attack has shown. I am at a better position than her right now because I can mingle a bit with my cousins but there’s that sense of awkwardness around the elders.

I do not recall being bullied at school, I say that is a good thing because I am the type of person who looks back in the past very often. One of the points of how I am different. From where I have lived since I was babe, people her always look forward for the future and barely look at the past. In high school I could now tell I was a bit distant to all my other classmates because when I graduated I realized how little close friends I have and non of them are long-term. It started here where I like to stay indoors and surf the net, or toggle with Photoshop, and play around with Sony Vegas. That made me isolate myself from the people outside but I was and am somehow fine with it because I love what I do.

Now in college I have made a new set of friends who I am not very sure if they will last forever but I know they are keepers. They know I am different, VERY different from the ordinary people that they know. Like how I prefer American shows that local ones, beyond that I love Broadway shows made to movies, how I speak and understand English MORE than I could with our own Tagalog, how I can understand the British accent while they have no clue, and of course my obsession to my One True Paring in Fanfictions - Jelsa (Jack Frost of Rise of the Guardians x Elsa of Frozen). Compared to my mother, well we both have exotic tastes but in different parts of it. I cannot compare the level though.

I have accepted my difference and how I cannot freely talk to people about my perspective which is why I turn to the internet and talk to people on different sites who have the same interests with me, but I still wish that there were someone close by who I can feel physically to sit with me and just talk and understand everything or just most of it.

Black Star

Black Star

by Ana Irenea Olmedo

December, December,

O how I remember,

 The cold wind against my cheek

My lips kissed by the poorly lit night.

I never thought I'd miss it

Having you by my side.

The stars in the sky,

The stars by the window,

we adore

 I remember you,

I remember love,

I remember it all,

I remember us.

I made up this poem last night just before I went to sleep. My boyfriend has been miles away from me for 5 months now. Whenever I'm at school and I walk past the places where we used to recollect a lot I tend to miss him. This December has been the first time where I actually missed him when I'm at school and I wanted to cry but I can't because I'm in public.

I sent this poem as a group message last night to him and to my friends. No feedback was given. I wonder if he even read it. I just miss him and I'm going to miss him more this Christmas and New Year because he's not coming home. :(

Back to Being Zero?

I am well aware that no one reads my blog. Well, I have many blogs but this is my personal blog. Which is why I feel perfectly safe in talking about anything I like here. It's been a while since I last posted. I always find myself talking to myself out loud when no one's around. It's fun for me. I realize things that I've observed and some I share to my boyfriend when I realize them during our talk on the phone.

When I realize things or reflect on specific situations I would always wish I could blog them or write them down but then I'd have to look for a pen and paper. While looking for such my mind would be forced to be on hold and letting my fairy dust dissolve in the corners of my mind. It's such a shame I wont get to keep a record of my mind's realizations but I'd take them as a gift that is for me alone and can never be retrieved. You see, I speak them out loud yet I can never remember them after that.

I just feel like talking right now, which is why I'm blogging. :)

Dreams and Addiction

I can now conclude that I am addicted to this new Manga-turned-to-Anime series. The series is called Sword Art Online (family photo below). This series is about people from young ages to old ones and they meet in a virtual world where you can kill people, fly, play with swords, guns, be able to face your fears and just be an entire different person from who you truly are.

In my dream, I was well aware that I wasn't in a game. Only that I was influenced by the show I watched. This morning I dreamed about physically hurting my boyfriend's sister. I knew that I was doing wrong but I didn't mind because I was frustrated by her. I kept on pulling her hair and hitting her head on the walls. The most frustrating part was she never looked hurt. 

In my other dream just 40 minutes ago, I was in a different place. There were car chasing, different people, Arabs, Americans, Filipinos, my family was there. 3 of us had this invisibility power. Anyway, I was beside the driver through a rough and muddy path up the mountain but I wasn't scared at all. In fact, I was enjoying it. Then the scene changed, it was a ride like a roller coaster but wet. It had huge logs rolling side by side to carry our boat up to the top and when we got there it paused to dry our clothes and clear the boat with water. Eventually it dropped us and we got wet again. And the scene changed again, we were in an actual roller coaster and the ride had just started. We were about to begin with the fast speed of the roller coaster when I noticed that people were near the rails and I got worried they'd get hit. I was beginning to imagine blood all over my face. But before we could begin with the fast speed of the ride I woke up.

Now I don't know how to explain those dreams of mine but they had 1 thing in common, it was set in a carnival. The first dream we were captured and taken to a carnival. There was even a crying baby in the scene. So I guess since I watched SAO a lot these past 2 weeks, I could say I can blame them. But I'm going to observe myself if I'll have a common dream tonight.

How Life is Seen By the Many

A quick post before I go to bed.

People say to spend our time wisely and do things that we won't regret because we only have one life to live. Fact is we have a lot of lives. We can decide to change the course of our life every single day. Be a different person today, and a different one tomorrow. Depends on how you want to live. My point is, some people say that a woman starts living when she's married. Men haven't lived until they've been drunk. Being too careful in life is no fun. Hesitating is no fun. Everything is about fun because what good is the life given to you if you're not enjoying it?

How to Balance Boyfriend and School

A few weeks ago one of my friends asked me how do I balance my life between my boyfriend and school. It's not that difficult for me since I have the perks of having a great and awesome boyfriend.

• I don't stress myself on balancing the equation. - I let this fly.
• I trust my boyfriend that he won't do anything stupid.
• School is school and whatever grade I get is all I could give.

Bonus:

My boyfriend already graduated college and is currently working far from where I am now. Yeah, LDR (Long Distance Relationship)

• He's busy with work in the morning. - Means I don't have to worry about missing his calls.
• He cares for my education. - Reminds me constantly about school work.
• We belong in the same college. - I can have further explanations and insights on my diff. subjects.
• He's smart. - I can ask him whatever I want.
• He offered that if I had any questions or need any help with school, he's there. - All hail my boyfriend. 

Collegiate Confidence

Ever since I got into college all I could think about was starting fresh and forgetting all the mistakes and regrets I had in high school. I never though about finding love, wanting to be one of those contestants in pageants and representing my college, nor did I wonder if I'd be able to raise my confidence. But I did.

I found the all-most right peers for me, I'm still not sure if they're THE ONE. They make me feel superior at some point, especially because I'm the most fluent in the English language in the group and they look up to me for that. But it's because of them that I'm motivated to keep up with my studies because all of them are grade oriented and they worry a lot about school.

Things changed for me ever since my boyfriend came along. His name is Aljon and he's four years older than me. I've never met a boy like him before. He's so open about himself and he barely hides his feelings and reactions. He usually says what his mind is saying. I look up to him and I've never accepted myself this much before. Plus he helps me a lot with my studies.

Our Finance1 teacher is one of my favorite teachers right now. I like to attend her class and I'm always energized no matter what. I'm putting pressure on myself since the major I'd be taking is Financial Management but she makes things really easy. I'm not afraid to speak up in class which I guess is why my mind is not in a little box during her period.

All of these have contributed to my success in gaining more confidence and I thank these people for helping me achieve that. Having people to push you will only take you half way, it's within your will to meet your standards.

Birthday Mad Day

So my darling friend is celebrating her 17th birthday today and like a specific time was set for us to leave and go to our destination which is a resort 30 mins away from the city. and around 30 mins before our departure I texted her and she said no one has showed up yet. And I heat inside me started to boil my blood because I truly hate late comers. That's the situation.

My mom told me that I should just drop it and cancel and I got even more upset because what kind of person am I really? Does she not even know me at all? Just because it's mother's day she could say those things. I don't give up on my friends that easily unless it's a school work. :D But even more now that I won't give up because it's her birthday! And she's celebrating it a day ahead because we, her friends, are not available tomorrow because we got summer classes.

I called my boyfriend to talk to someone and take my mind off things but he just added to the frustration because he's going out and have fun somewhere with his cousin and leave his phone at home because he said he's downloading some apps for his new phone. URGH! I am so mad right now. Typing these things just lightened up the weight on my shoulders a bit. just A BIT.

October 22, 2013

I know for the past months, I have been searching for a guy and hoping that someday he'll become my boyfriend. I have encountered a couple of guys and recently I met a guy who I thought was different. Well he was different, but in a bad way because he seemed to only use me for personal gain and it took me two months to open up my own eyes and realize that he was just wrong for me.

During the second month, another person came into my life. I never wanted to fall for him, but you know what they say "the more you stay away from something, the more it'll come to you." So I was haunted for a couple of days until I finally admitted it to myself that I have finally fallen for someone without forcing myself to fall for them. I mean I never asked for that guy but instead God gave him to me. Ever since then I thought of him as a blessing and not another guy problem.

Reflect myself

Let's reflect for a while. My exes, yes they're a mess months after they broke up with me. It's not that the break-up was my fault, but they were the problem. They weren't meant for me, my other half still hasn't arrived. I was just too distracted of having a boyfriend to realize it.

After my break-up with Arvin, I felt more alive and free. I was more happy with who I am, not worrying about someone. Spending more time with my friends, figuring out who I really am. I spent the last 7 months of high school the way it was supposed to be lived.

So now I am happy with my true, loyal friends. I'm becoming more mature and more independent of others. I am a HAPPY BITCH.

March 7, 2013

                Today is the day that I realized I am starting to have feelings for this person who I’ve know for four years now. His name is Stuart, he’s supposed to be my batch mate but he had to repeat first year high school. Yesterday, around 5pm in the afternoon at the school grounds. I saw him with his grade 9 friend (I don’t know the name of the girl). They were sitting so close to each other at the bottom of the flag pole and as I was glancing at them as I passed by I felt jealous. For the first time in a few months, I’ve actually felt jealousy.

                But that’s no my worry tonight. I can conclude that my feelings for Stuart is starting to develop, but I can ask this; “is he the next guy I’d say those 3 words 8 letters to?”. As you should know, I’m always in this situation where my theme song would be “Torn Between Two Lovers”. Well, in my situation right now I only have one lover, Stuart. My dilemma you ask?

Stuart is a fun person, being with him makes me feel free, bubbly, risk anything in my life. He lets me express the wild side in me. Comparing my life to Chuck, Blaire and the Lord of somewhere, Chuck is Stuart, and Chris is the Lord of somewhere.

Chris is the person where I can see the kind of elite-ish life I want to have. My classy side shows up when he’s around. Knowing Chris comes from a really rich family, plus he’s smart in almost everything and should I add he’s got this amazing body that I just want from a guy? When I think about my future with Chris, I see that I could have everything that I want. From where I want to live, the house I want to have, the lifestyle I want to live, down to the sex life I want. I’d get everything I want.

With Stuart, I can’t tell how my future would be. I mean, he’s not that smart nor that dumb, not sure about the family background though, I’m not even sure about getting everything that I want. But I am sure I’ll have the wildest adventures with him along the way. But where will it lead? I might end up as one of those people who’ll send their kids to a public school, no! I’ve never been to a public school in my life, except from nursery to kinder. Where will it lead me when I’m with him?

Chris, I can set my future already. Have it all planned even before I finish painting my nails red. Stuart, I’ll have to do a lo of guessing. I’ll have to think hard, plan hard, think again, then re-plan all over again. Listening, I mean thinking about these two guys makes me sound so desperate and over thinking. Come on! Christopher Klein Asinas has his heart set for a different girl right now, not me. He haven’t even changed his mind after he knew I still had feelings for him. Stuart Joseph Ponce says he has his heart just for me alone and no one else, his feelings for me seemed to no have changed since a year ago when he courted me and I turned him down.

So who is it? What should I do? What choice can I make? A. Let go of Chris and go for Stuart ‘cuz he can make you happy, he expresses his love for you like no other. He can show you the world with a different perspective. B. Don’t give up on Chris, to succeed means to never give up. With him, you an experience a long distance relationship, the one you’ve always wanted to try. C. Wait for college, maybe there’s a better guy there just waiting for you. D. What if Stuart is the guy? Since he lets you float on clouds and run on the water. E. What id Chris is t guy? You know he’s truly a nice person even if he disagrees with you. Stuart makes you do risks, Chris challenges you in a whole new level.

These guys are driving me crazy!

March 5, 2013

I received this question saying “If the w0rld will end t0m0rr0w, wh0 will be the last pers0n that u want t0 say i l0ve u? And why?” It made me stop and think on who’s name I should answer to that question. To tell you the truth, I’d be lying if I’d day “my parents” or “my family”. So who is it really? The lucky person who’d be the one to hear me say those 3 words, eight letters? He can’t be my crush (Chris), that’s impossible. I don’t even love him. Couldn’t be my ex-boyfriend, he doesn’t deserve my last “I love you”.

I thought about my best friends; Cloe, Alloy, Kezeah, and Lenny. Doesn’t sound right either. Even though if I’d say it to my best friend, I don’t have one because I have four for the meantime. So that won’t work. Next, I thought about Christer, I’m still a bit upset with him but he still doesn’t deserve what I’m about to say. I thought about Stuart, Jojo. He just might make the cut, but why do I love him if I’d say it to him? Do I even have to answer why we love a person? I thought about it again and I just knew he’s not the one person I’m meaning to say my “I love you” to.

After a few moments of thinking about it while writing whatever I’m saying in my head, it finally struck me. Only one person deserves my Love the way no other person in this world does, not even my parents. I was brought to a conclusion that GOD deserves my I LOVE YOU. No one has ever loved me as greatly as He did. No one as unconditional, no one as much. So I guess that’s my answer to the question given by Stuart through ask.fm. GOD.

Chuck and Blair?

Earlier tonight I thought that our relationship was like Chuck's and Blair's during the Season 1 of Gossip Girl. You know the one where it seems like all that Chuck cares about it ruining Blair's reputation and her feelings? I felt that way tonight, being the victim and all. If you should know, Chuck is Chris and I am Blair. I felt him coming at me with everything he's got against me and I tried to deny everything he said but I knew I was never going to win against a member of the Debate Club. So I did the most womanly thing I could do in the age of 16; surrender and admit everything.

I told him everything I knew, everything I did, and everything he wanted to know. But I still have no clue if he's satisfied or not. Anyway, after giving in we kept on talking about it. I realized he wasn't coming at me at all. He just wanted to know the truth because he knew I was completely bothered by the issue on the past. He it all along and I wonder how often he thought about it. When he said "I am just trying to get in to you. I feel like you haven't accepted it. I asked you a long time ago, you didn't want to bring it up. So I'm here to put it out and be here to help you even in some way." But the most mind-opening thing he said was, "Hey, always remember, if you are once miserable, it's not you. Don't settle for being you but you committed  a big mistake that made you change. How can you really show YOU if some part of you gives in to the person you think you are in the past?" Of all everything he said, the most shocking thing I heard (or should I say read) him say was, "I asked but you didn't want to talk about it. That's why I like to end the matter now. I care for you pud biya." I told him I knew he cared for SOME people, but I never knew I was a part of that list.

Realizing he's still my friend even though we've just recently developed our relationship, I am now aware that he is capable of caring deeply for someone even without any intimate feelings towards the person. And to think I almost questioned our friendship.

Worst Thing You Could Do To A Person?

I may just be the worst person in the world right now. I'm seriously considering that label for myself. You see, I have a friend, his name is Christopher. We have a short history where he confessed to me (if I remember the date right) last September 2011 that he had feelings for me. Of course I was surprised because I never saw sign from him. And I'm the kind of person who notices signs easily! But then he was too late that time because I was already in a relationship with someone. And now, months later, now that I'm single again we became closer friends.

I felt something for him that lasted for a week or so then it disappeared. So I guess that was just an attraction. I still played along and used my charismatic powers to drag him towards me. And I think it sort of worked. When he asked me if I liked him as more than I friend, I sort of lied and said "yes". And when I asked him the same question, he said "of course". And when at school and especially when we text or chat I act like I'm falling for him. And it's not even a challenge for me to act like I do because I really don't know why. :D

I keep on debating whether I should tell him the truth or not but I'm just afraid of how he may react. So I just say to myself, "maybe I can learn to love him".

Is He Capable of Change?

Change is constant right? I do believe people change but the change that's constant is their minor attributes. What about the major ones? I'm talking about this because my "friend" that I'm still mad at for some reason won't stop contacting me. He won't stop reaching out to me and I know how it feels like to be pushed away when you're trying to hard to reach out to that person. Which is why I can't just ignore him.

It's been like 7 months now I guess since I last saw him. We just text and we chatted once on facebook after he left for his training to be a sea man. He updates his profile whenever he can and seeing his physical attributes, he looks better now. He used to have color on his hair which was brown-ish and he kept on wearing his earing. When we talk on the phone he never said he misses me, but I can still tell his feelings for me are still there. But maybe because he hasn't interacted with other girls that much because he's touring the Philippines for now. His way of talking to me is different now, he seems to be nicer and less perverted. I can play along with that kind of texting but it usually pisses me off.

He's aware that I'm still mad at him and I haven't completely forgiven him yet. He says he's coming home this month and I have no idea what day it would be. I'm hoping and praying that he won't come and meet me nor seek for me because I have no interest on seeing him. But I can't shake this feeling inside me that maybe he's a whole new person now. We can start over as acquaintances and forget the past. That's just my kind heart who's hoping that is speaking. We just never know do we?

Materialistic

"All I want for Christmas is YOU."

 Now that's the greatest lie said by me right there. I don't want anyone, I already have everyone. I'm happy with all my friends right now but a couple more would work. Anyway, I don't need a guy right now (even though I say I want one, but I don't need one). I'm perfectly happy with my life right now.

What I want is for someone, anyone, to give me a necklace. Any kind, but it'd be better if it were cute or have some meaning to it. Then I'd promise that i won't ever take it off (except at school of course, I'm not that kind of a rule breaker), I'd wear it everywhere I go even at home. No one has ever given me a necklace before, except Jamie Colon my ex-bestfriend (we're still friends though) but it's a bit small for my neck now. It was a necklace painted with silver and has the word "Love" hanging as the center piece of the necklace. I kept it in my room somewhere... So yeah, that's what I truly want these days.