Good Different

I always knew I was different. I grew up with my cousins around me but I was always left out. Even their parents do not want me to spend much time with them. I was always pushed away. Growing up I soon realized that I am more like my mother, she grew up with a different perspective and I can sense it was quite difficult and challenging to adopt to the new family she has to live with - my father’s. At present she seems fine with everyone around but if you look closely, you will sense the tension. How she shields herself even before any sign of attack has shown. I am at a better position than her right now because I can mingle a bit with my cousins but there’s that sense of awkwardness around the elders.

I do not recall being bullied at school, I say that is a good thing because I am the type of person who looks back in the past very often. One of the points of how I am different. From where I have lived since I was babe, people her always look forward for the future and barely look at the past. In high school I could now tell I was a bit distant to all my other classmates because when I graduated I realized how little close friends I have and non of them are long-term. It started here where I like to stay indoors and surf the net, or toggle with Photoshop, and play around with Sony Vegas. That made me isolate myself from the people outside but I was and am somehow fine with it because I love what I do.

Now in college I have made a new set of friends who I am not very sure if they will last forever but I know they are keepers. They know I am different, VERY different from the ordinary people that they know. Like how I prefer American shows that local ones, beyond that I love Broadway shows made to movies, how I speak and understand English MORE than I could with our own Tagalog, how I can understand the British accent while they have no clue, and of course my obsession to my One True Paring in Fanfictions - Jelsa (Jack Frost of Rise of the Guardians x Elsa of Frozen). Compared to my mother, well we both have exotic tastes but in different parts of it. I cannot compare the level though.

I have accepted my difference and how I cannot freely talk to people about my perspective which is why I turn to the internet and talk to people on different sites who have the same interests with me, but I still wish that there were someone close by who I can feel physically to sit with me and just talk and understand everything or just most of it.

Collegiate Confidence

Ever since I got into college all I could think about was starting fresh and forgetting all the mistakes and regrets I had in high school. I never though about finding love, wanting to be one of those contestants in pageants and representing my college, nor did I wonder if I'd be able to raise my confidence. But I did.

I found the all-most right peers for me, I'm still not sure if they're THE ONE. They make me feel superior at some point, especially because I'm the most fluent in the English language in the group and they look up to me for that. But it's because of them that I'm motivated to keep up with my studies because all of them are grade oriented and they worry a lot about school.

Things changed for me ever since my boyfriend came along. His name is Aljon and he's four years older than me. I've never met a boy like him before. He's so open about himself and he barely hides his feelings and reactions. He usually says what his mind is saying. I look up to him and I've never accepted myself this much before. Plus he helps me a lot with my studies.

Our Finance1 teacher is one of my favorite teachers right now. I like to attend her class and I'm always energized no matter what. I'm putting pressure on myself since the major I'd be taking is Financial Management but she makes things really easy. I'm not afraid to speak up in class which I guess is why my mind is not in a little box during her period.

All of these have contributed to my success in gaining more confidence and I thank these people for helping me achieve that. Having people to push you will only take you half way, it's within your will to meet your standards.