March 7, 2013

                Today is the day that I realized I am starting to have feelings for this person who I’ve know for four years now. His name is Stuart, he’s supposed to be my batch mate but he had to repeat first year high school. Yesterday, around 5pm in the afternoon at the school grounds. I saw him with his grade 9 friend (I don’t know the name of the girl). They were sitting so close to each other at the bottom of the flag pole and as I was glancing at them as I passed by I felt jealous. For the first time in a few months, I’ve actually felt jealousy.

                But that’s no my worry tonight. I can conclude that my feelings for Stuart is starting to develop, but I can ask this; “is he the next guy I’d say those 3 words 8 letters to?”. As you should know, I’m always in this situation where my theme song would be “Torn Between Two Lovers”. Well, in my situation right now I only have one lover, Stuart. My dilemma you ask?

Stuart is a fun person, being with him makes me feel free, bubbly, risk anything in my life. He lets me express the wild side in me. Comparing my life to Chuck, Blaire and the Lord of somewhere, Chuck is Stuart, and Chris is the Lord of somewhere.

Chris is the person where I can see the kind of elite-ish life I want to have. My classy side shows up when he’s around. Knowing Chris comes from a really rich family, plus he’s smart in almost everything and should I add he’s got this amazing body that I just want from a guy? When I think about my future with Chris, I see that I could have everything that I want. From where I want to live, the house I want to have, the lifestyle I want to live, down to the sex life I want. I’d get everything I want.

With Stuart, I can’t tell how my future would be. I mean, he’s not that smart nor that dumb, not sure about the family background though, I’m not even sure about getting everything that I want. But I am sure I’ll have the wildest adventures with him along the way. But where will it lead? I might end up as one of those people who’ll send their kids to a public school, no! I’ve never been to a public school in my life, except from nursery to kinder. Where will it lead me when I’m with him?

Chris, I can set my future already. Have it all planned even before I finish painting my nails red. Stuart, I’ll have to do a lo of guessing. I’ll have to think hard, plan hard, think again, then re-plan all over again. Listening, I mean thinking about these two guys makes me sound so desperate and over thinking. Come on! Christopher Klein Asinas has his heart set for a different girl right now, not me. He haven’t even changed his mind after he knew I still had feelings for him. Stuart Joseph Ponce says he has his heart just for me alone and no one else, his feelings for me seemed to no have changed since a year ago when he courted me and I turned him down.

So who is it? What should I do? What choice can I make? A. Let go of Chris and go for Stuart ‘cuz he can make you happy, he expresses his love for you like no other. He can show you the world with a different perspective. B. Don’t give up on Chris, to succeed means to never give up. With him, you an experience a long distance relationship, the one you’ve always wanted to try. C. Wait for college, maybe there’s a better guy there just waiting for you. D. What if Stuart is the guy? Since he lets you float on clouds and run on the water. E. What id Chris is t guy? You know he’s truly a nice person even if he disagrees with you. Stuart makes you do risks, Chris challenges you in a whole new level.

These guys are driving me crazy!