Is He Capable of Change?

Change is constant right? I do believe people change but the change that's constant is their minor attributes. What about the major ones? I'm talking about this because my "friend" that I'm still mad at for some reason won't stop contacting me. He won't stop reaching out to me and I know how it feels like to be pushed away when you're trying to hard to reach out to that person. Which is why I can't just ignore him.

It's been like 7 months now I guess since I last saw him. We just text and we chatted once on facebook after he left for his training to be a sea man. He updates his profile whenever he can and seeing his physical attributes, he looks better now. He used to have color on his hair which was brown-ish and he kept on wearing his earing. When we talk on the phone he never said he misses me, but I can still tell his feelings for me are still there. But maybe because he hasn't interacted with other girls that much because he's touring the Philippines for now. His way of talking to me is different now, he seems to be nicer and less perverted. I can play along with that kind of texting but it usually pisses me off.

He's aware that I'm still mad at him and I haven't completely forgiven him yet. He says he's coming home this month and I have no idea what day it would be. I'm hoping and praying that he won't come and meet me nor seek for me because I have no interest on seeing him. But I can't shake this feeling inside me that maybe he's a whole new person now. We can start over as acquaintances and forget the past. That's just my kind heart who's hoping that is speaking. We just never know do we?

Materialistic

"All I want for Christmas is YOU."

 Now that's the greatest lie said by me right there. I don't want anyone, I already have everyone. I'm happy with all my friends right now but a couple more would work. Anyway, I don't need a guy right now (even though I say I want one, but I don't need one). I'm perfectly happy with my life right now.

What I want is for someone, anyone, to give me a necklace. Any kind, but it'd be better if it were cute or have some meaning to it. Then I'd promise that i won't ever take it off (except at school of course, I'm not that kind of a rule breaker), I'd wear it everywhere I go even at home. No one has ever given me a necklace before, except Jamie Colon my ex-bestfriend (we're still friends though) but it's a bit small for my neck now. It was a necklace painted with silver and has the word "Love" hanging as the center piece of the necklace. I kept it in my room somewhere... So yeah, that's what I truly want these days.

Christmas->New Year

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you! (To whoever is reading this) Spent my Christmas to New Year vacation at home,didn't even leave the city. How'd I survive? Movie marathons with myself, or mom, or parents, or my cousins. Can't stop watching the movie Pitch Perfect! Check out the trailer below, it's so addicting. Even the boys that I know are obsessed with the movie.

Speaking of obsession, I have confirmed it recently that I am once again obsessed with LOGAN LERMAN. He's drop-dead gorgeous and such a hottie. I even noticed he's getting buffer now; he's starting to get muscles at his arms. I made a new tumblr blog that is dedicated for him.I made it yesterday and recently I got 14 followers.  I wish someday I'd get to see him. Maybe I should go to LA and become an actress, though I believe I'm a better singer than to act. But it's the only way I see right now on how I could meet him. Well, dreams will be dreams. Let's let it be.

Follow my Logan Lerman Blog:

http://logan-filmgeek.tumblr.com/

Sparks Fly

Seriously! I get the butterflies when I see his cute, charming, friendly, clear-from-trouble face. He's got this smile that is just heart-melting. Who am I talking about? Oh it's B-boy, short for "Baby boy". My good friend Lenny gave him that nickname. She's good at thinking for code names for guys which was why I turned to her when I clearly confirmed that I have a little bit of strong feelings for B-boy. 

Who is B-boy in real life? Well, he's one of the "composers" I work with at school, my friend, classmate. His name is Keith. He's one of the honor students in my batch, he's a musician (I love those kind of guys), he's not mean to people, and isn't afraid to hang out with girls nor be seen in public being the only guy in the group. He has a simple lifestyle, simple living considering the fact that his dad is (as what my father would describe it) vice-president of a huge company which I was too lazy to listen to the information. He's not buff, he has no abs, doesn't do much athletic activities but he's still all man.

Anyways, we see each other almost everyday but it's Christmas break now and he went home afternoon after the party. I didn't even get the chance to take a picture with him because I never got the chance nor the perfect timing. It bothered me even now.

Keith is at the guy below.

I wanted but I know I didn't need

It was starting to bother me. Whenever I'm around Keith I get the feeling of wanting him to put his arms over my shoulder or around my waist or something. I had proven to myself that I have this little crush on him or a while now. Even before the composing of the songs. It started on the day when I considered him as boyfriend material. Only two people know about my secret crush, I wouldn't want my relationship with my new close friend be ruined; but of course, if someone else is reading this right now my secret is out. If you are reading right now, please don't tell anybody.

The feelings that I got was the relationship that I wanted but I know I didn't need. So I've chosen to lay low and play it cool. Make sure he won't ever have a clue and to keep my mouth shut from telling other people.

40% but still invisible

I may now be 40% visible to people, but I still am as invisible as the air in my family. Only difference is they also can't feel me. I fit in nowhere. It was frustrating to think about it. I barely like the attitude on my father's side of the family, and I can't say much about my moms side because I have no aunts and uncles bond with everyday. So much for the saying "don't fit in, stand out". I was in neither positions.

Talking about invisibility yesterday with the girls, the time when me and my ex-boyfriend recently broke up with me talk was a bit surprising that I finally got those words out of my mouth. It was something I kept to myself, afraid to admit of the truth that I was almost friendless when things ended with Arvin. Surprised I'm not afraid to speak his name now. It just feels right, and a way to prove to myself that I am over him. Anyways, I am now 40% visible to people but I just don't fit in right.

What can I do? I just watched an episode of Awkward and it was the one with the stupid do-overs and I don't think I want to fantasize things like what could have happened if I never engaged into any intimate relationship. Life is confusing, but it's just the way it is. Things changed, time changed me.

The Next “him”

I didn’t make a list though, just had a few selected guys in my mind. On the top of the food chain is someone that I like to all NC-boy, meaning “New Chick Boy”. There was C-boy (Chick boy), M-boy (Makalanay boy), Y-boy, G-boy and now NC-boy. I can’t really say his name straight forward, so let me just spell in out backwards. arerbac oemor selrahcnerf. Apparently I have a feeling one of my friends has feelings for him too or is sort of attracted to him. Well who wouldn’t?! I mean c’mon, he’s tall, dark and handsome! Isn’t that how we used to describe Mr. Ideal guy for us when we were younger?

Imagine a tall, dark, handsome guy. Buff, a tennis player, and he has this cute scar I guess beside his right eye. He’s charming, sweet, cute smile and a friendly personality. He’s not like most of the athletic guys here in our school where their attitude is so loud that your head kinds of turns a bit when they walk down the halls. So I couldn’t really ask them why they would be attracted to him.

History you ask? It’s kind of a funny story actually. Well it’s funny for me and some of my friends. Going  way back, we go to the same school for how many years now. Since elementary years. I never really gave a damn about him before ‘cuz I always thought of him as a mean guy or someone with a lot of attitude like the guys he hangs out with. Last year we were classmates, Juniors! The signs were obvious that he liked me. I had just broken up with my boyfriend that time and he took the opportunity. I remember it all too well. We were watching Schindler’s List in our classroom that one afternoon. I was sitting in front of him and we were really close to each other. He asked if he could court me and from the tone of his voice he was nervous and shaky. I said “yes you can”. A few minutes later he asked again if I would accept to be his girlfriend. I was smiling a bit, trying to hold back a laugh. It was a bit funny ‘cuz knowing him who has had a lot of girlfriends before, is having a hard time to ask me the question.

Bottom line is I didn’t give him an answer. I never did gave him an answer. But now that I’m almost in full recovery from my break-up with my last boyfriend, I’m think I’m starting to grow feelings for my friend NC-boy AGAIN.